The betrayal that happens when someone backstabs you can be really harmful to your self-esteem and can make you doubt yourself. [2] X Trustworthy Source PubMed Central Journal archive from the U. S. National Institutes of Health Go to source However, none of this is your fault.
A friend might spread rumors that you’re talking bad about your mutual friends because they’re jealous of how much everyone likes you. A coworker might take credit for your idea because they’re jealous you get so much praise from the boss. Your sister might tell your mom that you hated your Christmas present because she thinks your gift was better than hers.
Maybe your friend is upset that you wouldn’t change your plans to hang out with them. Instead of telling you how they feel, they might tell all of your friends that you think you’ve outgrown your friend group and are trying to make new friends. Similarly, let’s say your girlfriend is upset with you because she thinks you don’t text her enough. Talking to you about her expectations would be best, but she might decide to passive-aggressively tell people that you’re inattentive and prioritize everyone else over her.
A coworker might spread lies that you waste a lot of time at work because they’re hoping to get the next promotion over you. Your toxic family member might lie to others about why you don’t talk to them so everyone feels sorry for them and turns against you. Your friend might gossip about you to everyone so they become the center of your friend group.
Let’s say your friend is a narcissist, and she’s upset that you’re in a relationship. She may tell your mutual friend that you’ve been putting her down because she’s not in a relationship. This mutual friend now thinks you’re the bad guy and supports your backstabbing friend.
Your sister may be jealous that your job is going better than hers, so she tells your entire family that you only got the job because you knew someone. Your brother may be jealous that you just moved into a new home. He tells you to your face that he likes the home, but then he tells other family members that your home is small and has issues, such as mold.
Maybe your step-child told you they already ate lunch and weren’t hungry. However, they told their parent you refused to make them lunch. It may be best to work with a family therapist who can help you all share your feelings and understand things from each others’ perspectives.
You might find out that your mother told your entire family that you mistreat her, even though you’ve never done anything to hurt her. Now, the entire family is criticizing you. Your cousin may have lied about telling you your grandmother was sick and then told your entire family that you just didn’t want to visit her. Now, everyone thinks you just don’t care. This can be a very painful experience, but it’s important to remember that you didn’t do anything wrong.
They may “forget” to give you an important document so you perform poorly on a work assignment. They may blame you for a mistake they made.
You might find out that your coworker took credit for an idea you developed together. You could learn your coworker is telling people you take long lunches or you fall asleep during meetings with them.
A team member might not do their part of a client proposal so you miss a deadline. Similarly, this person could send out an angry email full of lies on their last day.
Your single friend may tell everyone that you secretly complain about your partner. Your friend who hates their job might tell people you lied to get your job. By telling lies about you, they feel a little better about themself.
This person may offer you something, such as a gift or a free coffee. Then, they might go behind your back and tell everyone you’re mooching off of them. This person may offer to be your shoulder to cry on, but then they use what you say while you’re venting to make you look bad.
You might talk to a trusted friend about how you feel, journal to express your feelings, or do something active, like running or going for a long walk.
If it’s a friend who betrays you, you might reconsider your friendship. It’s really hard to walk away from family members. However, you might be able to set some boundaries, like only seeing this person at family events and never telling them secrets. At work, you typically can’t avoid a coworker altogether. However, you can keep your relationship professional and seek work assignments where you can work with others.
Let’s say your coworker told your boss that you didn’t help with a project. You might show copies of emails between you and your coworker or your notes from a meeting you had with them. Let’s say a friend told everyone you forgot to come to her birthday party, but really she didn’t invite you. You might show friends her texts where she told you she wasn’t having a party.
You may be tempted to spread a rumor about a friend who’s gossiping about you. That might feel good at first, but it’ll likely make the situation worse. Let’s say a coworker intentionally neglected to give you a document you needed. It might sound like a good idea to do the same to them, but this can easily backfire.
You might learn to stop sharing personal information at work after a coworker spreads rumors about you. Similarly, you might learn that your sister can’t be trusted with secrets. Remember, being backstabbed is not your fault. This can and does happen to everyone.
